10 Things You Should Never, Ever Search on Google
A few days ago I needed some less flattering images to
accompany one of my articles, and some horrible things that
literally made my eyes bleed. In many situations Google can
be your best friend, because there is literally nothing you
cannot find on it. The sad thing is that there are certain
articles or images that are better left unseen. For example, if
you ever search for a disease on Google, you will
immediately wish you never did it, because the images are
mortifying. It seems that everything related to medicine
somehow leads to cancer, or is at least accompanied by a
set of disgusting photos that will make you think that you’re
probably gonna die, even if you’re only suffering from a
cold. Because we don’t want you to go blind when looking
for something online, we have compiled a list of things that
you should NEVER, EVER search for on Google. Inspired by
the “Type with your eyes closed” saying, here are ten
terms you should not type in the damned search box.
10. The Death Clock
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to know when I’m
going to die. You’ve ignored us and searched for it anyway,
right? We can also assume that you have already typed in
your date of birth, data, and smoking habits, and the
almighty internet has told you when you’ll be pushing up
daisies, right? Despite the fact that the “smart” voice in the
back of your head is saying that it’s illogical, you still can’t
get it out of your head, can’t you?
9. “Lazy Sundays”
There are no words to describe this… Unless you are into
old men, who enjoy “scrubbing” each other in the shower,
you should try to stay away.
Disclaimer: Although we do not wish to include these sort of
things in our list, the search phrase is pretty, innocent. When
people think of lazy Sunday, something like this comes to
mind:
Oh well…
8. Snapewives
The definition for this word in the Urban dictionary is:
“
“A group of middle-aged women on the internet who
believe they are all married to Severus Snape from the
Harry Potter books — on the astral plane. They have real-
life meetings where they take turns channeling the spirit
of Snape so they can have wedding ceremonies with him.”
Sounds fun, right? Wrong. There are images, there are
videos, there are blogs… and there are feelings… so many
feelings.
7. Bedbugs, and pretty much any type of home pest
All types of bugs (but bedbugs in particular) are disgusting,
but knowing that these horrible insects share the bed with is,
is just too much. Sometimes, we’re better off not knowing.
6. “My testicles hurt”
If you have any health problems related to the
“embarrassing” part of your body, go to the medic! Yours is
probably not the first pair of ball-sacks that he has ever
seen, but you have probably not seen many others before
(especially unhealthy ones), and chances are that you will
faint in front of the PC.
5. Your Name
If you ever Google yourself you might have two of the
following surprises:
1. There is no record of you online, and you will
immediately feel like a complete and utter failure
2. You will find things about yourself that you wouldn’t have
wanted to know.
Even if you’re curious, refrain yourself.
4. Elephantiasis
Google says that Elephantiasis is a skin diseases
characterized by the thickening of underlying tissues,
especially legs and male genitals. Although this probably
gives you an idea of what you’re going to see, nothing will
prepare you for the horror show unfolding on Google image.
3. Blue Waffle Disease
There is honestly no need to elaborate. Whatever you do,
just don’t.
2. Tetris Fanfic
What could ever be wrong about googling Tetris? I mean, it’s
Tetris, right? Wrong again. There is a type of pornographic
fan fiction inspired by Tetris. It sounds something like this:
“
“I unbuttoned the blue pixel I had on my lower half and
instructed her on the ways of foreplay. As her top pixel
met my bottom pixel, I let out an ecstatic sigh. Such
pleasure I had never experienced in my life …”
1. Tub Girl
Do you know the games where you have to concentrate
really, really, really hard, and then a scary face appears out
of nowhere and you fall of your chair crying? Tub girl is in
some ways similar to those faces, because it manages to
scare the life out of innocent people. If you haven’t seen it
yet, don’t look it up, because your reaction might be similar
to this guy’s.
