behind Margaret O’Brien, the 77-year-old woman he called
his “ best girl.” I love this. The English language is a strange,
beautiful thing — why limit yourself to “boyfriend” and
“girlfriend” when talking to a third party about your, well,
boyfriend or girlfriend? Here are some far more interesting
synonyms.
1. My significant other
Well, it’s certainly a step above “insignificant other.”
2. My SO
If the only thing you love more than your SO is abbrevs. See
also: BF, GF.
3. My partner
Gets the point across, but it sounds awfully official. Makes it
easy to transition into running a law firm together, though.
4. The missus / the mister
Best used to refer to someone who isn’t technically your wife
or your husband, because irony.
5. My wifey
See #4. Works well for both genders.
6. My special someone
Also how your grandmother might address you in a greeting
card.
7. My gentleman caller
How very Glass Menagerie of you. Classy, yet vaguely
scandalous.
8. My lady friend / my man friend
N.B.: One’s lady friend is not be confused with one’s special
lady, at least according to the Dude.
9. My soulmate
The verbal equivalent of staring longingly into each other’s
eyes for upwards of one minute in public.
10. My lover
The verbal equivalent of loudly making out for upwards of
one minute in public.
11. My main squeeze
Physically squeezing your main squeeze is not necessarily
recommended.
12. My slampiece
See also: my fuck buddy.
13. My bottom bitch
See also: my main bitch.
14. The old balls and chain
I am utterly mystified as to why my boyfriend doesn’t think
my calling him this is nearly as hilarious as I do.
15. The boy / the girl
Definite articles = srs bsns.
16. My guy / my girl
See #15. There can only be one.
17. My Beyoncé
The number one reason to ever accept anyone’s marriage
proposal is so that you can refer to that person as your
Beyoncé.
18. My intended
A charmingly old-timey, charmingly ambiguous choice.
19. My plus-one
He’ll stay by your side throughout the cash-bar wedding that
is life.
20. My euphemism
As pioneered by the movie Best in Show: “This is my
euphemism, Stefan.”
21. My sweetheart
As far as you’re concerned, every part of your sweetheart’s
anatomy is sweet. See also: my sweetkidneys.
22. My gal pal / my boy toy
Slightly demeaning, sure, but who cares? They rhyme!
23. My arm candy
I get it, but then again, I don’t get it. Why you would store
candy on your arm? Let’s make “mouth candy” happen
instead.
24. My baby
Minus the diapers and drool.
25. My Yoko
For the record, John and Paul had their own differences and
she had virtually nothing to do with it.
26. My better half
I appreciate the somewhat medically alarming suggestion
that we are physically conjoined to our better halves.
27. My boo
Like a ghost, but a sexy ghost.
28. My old man / my old lady
To avoid incurring your old man or old lady’s wrath, it’s
probably best to use this one while you’re both still really,
really young.
29. My young man / my young lady
Creepy, but nice. But creepy.
30. My bb
ilu tho
31. The bae
Too lazy to pronounce the extra letter in “babe?” This is the
term of endearment for you.
32. The object of my affection
Self-explanatory.
33. The object of my erection
Like, penises.
34. My swain
A particularly good choice if you’re trying to improve your
SAT vocab or working at the Ren Faire.
35. My steady
Works well if you’re a teen in the 1950s.
36. My home skillet
Works well if you’re a preteen in the early 2000s.
37. My Valentine
Just because it isn’t February 14 doesn’t mean the title
doesn’t stand.
38. My breezy
Because I am 500 years old, I’ve never heard this term
before, but the Internet tells me it’s real. The Internet may
be lying.
39. My bun
Cinnamon, honey, or otherwise.
40. My paramour
Especially approps if you’re simultaneously dating everyone
in the band Paramore.
41. My true love
I had a wonderful, wacky professor who endearingly
referred to her husband this way, but it’s not an easy one to
pull off.
42. My beloved
Best reserved for immortal vampires.
43. My honey
Because she’s sweet, and produced by bees.
44. My companion
Because he reminds you of your dog.
45. My beau
Pro tip: the plural is “beaux.”
46. My suitor
If you’re a princess with a sizable dowry.
47. My POSSLQ (Persons of Opposite Sex Sharing Living
Quarters)
Easily the most romantic outdated census term from the
1970s.
